Monogamy

06 Nov, 2001

Lifelong monogamy just doesn't make sense anymore, and it probably never did.  But all those fairytales are still spinning cotton candy in our heads. We bought them as kids, and, dammit, we want what they promised. Women expect men to live up to the image of Prince Charming. Men are looking for someone like Sleeping Beauty to rescue. It's time for new fairytales.  Lynda

________________

On the Monogamy subject,

I would like to offer this incoherent, repetitive and needlessly abstract pontification on the subject for no other reason than to completely humiliate myself:

This whole issue is really a question of discriminating "Quality Vs. Quantity" and how we each seek balance between the two in "Meeting our needs Vs. Serving others."

Hypothesis: It is our search for Quality that leads us from one thing (and person) to another in our search for the ONE.

We seek the One in our drive to unite with every "person/place/thing", until we find those qualities in our own self. Then our seeing is improved, and we're able to see the quality in the other with out the need to possess it/them.

Like the twist in the river and spine of K13, we go from "getting" for our Mars center to "giving" from the Venus center.

Then our touch (K9) can heal.

(K1): The phallic wand is raised in the conscious right hand to establish contact with the ONE, where it acts as a conduit for the healing power to operate through one's self in the tending of the One's garden. Knowing where to put the phallus depends upon knowing whom the phallus serves (on all levels).

Does it serve Me & My will (K16)? OR Does it serve Thy Will (K19)?

So on the subject of monogamy:

In my opinion, during the compression of consciousness, one eventually learns discrimination and thus tends towards seeking quality over mere quantity, leading to a fewer number, but more intense experiences, including relationships.  After ignition, there is an expansion of consciousness and one's relationships take on a different quality - that of sharing with and touching others in a healing way, as a more transparent vehicle for the One Will (Love). Physical union, then, when it occurs, is a response to Love, (Venus ruling over Mars), instead of the other way around (falling in love with the sensations of the reproductive act).

The process goes something like this:

1. Seeking Union with quantity (K15)
2. Learning the consequences (K16) 
3. Seeking Union with quality (K17) 
4. Incorporating quality (K18) 
5. Sharing & outpouring of one's Quality (K19) 
6. Administrating with Quality upon quantity (K21)

This process manifests in all aspects of life, including relationships.

So, relationship wise we have the following possibilities (which arise naturally):

K15: Primitive non-monogamy Primitive monogamy

K16: Learning the negative consequences of mere quantity. 
Consequences such as:
    - disease and dissipation 
    - unhappy marriage(s) and divorce(s).

K17: Seeking /Discovering new relationships and relationship forms based upon those qualities which are desired.

K18: Incorporating those sought after qualities within one's self.

K19: Forming of more cooperative relationships based on understanding of the Self: 
We can have:
    - Cooperative non-exclusive relationships 
    - Cooperative exclusive relationships

So, the bottom line is that it is very difficult to judge the relationships of others.  This is because one typically does not know the maturity level of that relationship nor the maturity level of those involved.

I can however, surmise that a primitive non-monogamous relationship (such as a Roman orgy) would have a different quality from a mature, cooperative, love based non-exclusive relationship (such as Jesus' love for all of humanity).

Which one is better depends on what you want.

RL

________________

> Lifelong monogamy just doesn't make sense anymore, and it probably never did.

So what is the "sense" of monogamy?

Biological sense? 
For the animal kingdom (those levels of life below that of humankind), preservation of the species relies heavily on maximizing seasonal live births. Therefore it makes sense to have all the fertile females pregnant in season. Since maximizing the impregnation of all fertile females is the goal, having the fittest males impregnate all the females makes more "sense" than monogamy.  For most of humanity, maximizing live births is not the foremost method of preserving the species, although in very primitive societies, this may still be the case.  For most of humanity, however, ensuring that an offspring makes it to a healthy adulthood is more important.  In other words, in more evolved societies, quality becomes marginally more important verses pure quantity.

So biologically speaking, the "sense" involves the value judgement of Quality Vs. Quantity.

This is also true of the individual as he/she grows towards adulthood.  As a young person, I valued quantity. As a more mature adult, I now value quality, and as a result have all the quantity I can handle (another paradox).

Tribal sense? 
I would assert that individuality tends towards monogamy, while collectivism tends towards maximizing those goals which benefit the collective.

Emotional sense? 
A highly personal question. Which brings more emotional satisfaction - quality? quantity? Or a balance of both?

Spiritual sense? 
Compression requires limitation and focus. Compression is first experienced as a quantitative search, until quality is found. Quality Balancing Quantity. Eventually quality becomes dominant and compression accelerates. Without compression of consciousness, there can be no ignition (enlightenment).

What is this search for quality?

A search for Beauty.

A search for Truth.

A search for Unity.

On the question of LIFELONG monogamy, no one can foresee how long a particular relationship will survive in a particular form. If a critical quality is lacking in a relationship, then a search for that quality is begun. If that quality is not found with the other or within one's self, then one searches for it "out there", with consequences.

>But all those fairytales are still spinning cotton candy in our heads. We bought them as kids, and, dammit, we want what they promised. Women expect men to live up to the image of Prince Charming. Men are looking for someone like Sleeping Beauty to rescue. It's time for new fairytales. >

OK, I'll give it a try:

=====

The fairytale of Suzy Q. 
Who liked to bite off more than she could chew.

She sampled this, 
she sampled that

She got her fill 
till she got fat

Then reduction came to the fore, 
Thigh-masters, Butt burners, Lypo, and more!

Diets, potions and pills she did take 
On her rear she'd tatoo'ed: "Body by Jake"

Remaking herself, she now termed it "good". 
Her bod, it was said, could give skeletons wood.

Now men, they came calling, 
and love she did try.

Her lovers were many, 
for awhile she was high.

But as another tryst ended, 
she gave a great sigh.

They all ended the same, 
men were becoming a bore.

Good for a thrill, 
but not too much more.

Is that all there is?

Reproduction and Death?

Pop your cork one more time, 
as you take your last breath?

So Suzy looked high, 
and Suzy looked low.

What she was looking for, 
she didn't quite know.

But this she did know:

She was bored.

Oh God, she was bored!

For awhile, 
she even looked for the Lord!

But even the holy had holes in their souls, 
and seemed to pursue some quite wacky goals.

So finally, she gave up,
and down she did sit.

And found she didn't mind sitting,
not one little bit.

So she sat and she sat,
till her bottom turned blue,

And she sat even some more
till her mind sat down too.

So sitting in the silence,
she took breath after breath,

She gazed into nothing,
and waited for death.

Finally, she sensed it,
the bottomless pit.

At first it scared her,
but gradually, by a bit

She began first to sense
and then finally to know,

that in order to die,
she would  have to let go.

And let go of her fears,
and cast off her false wings,

like her favorite delusions,
and material things.

So finally she did it.

And she fell, and she fell
into what she had "thought"
must surely be hell.

But it was not what she'd "thought"

How can I explain it.

It was NOT what she'd thought!

For the great Naught
was NOT Naught!

It WAS!

And it caught her!
It filled her!
With Joy,
beyond bliss!

The ONE,
it had found her

The Ultimate Kiss

Stunned, she awoke
from this lover's embrace

and she looked at the world
Why, it had a new face!

Her viewpoint reversed
in a moment of grace.

Then she looked back in thanks
over ALL of her life

to the struggles, the sorrows,
the  joys and the strife,

and she said to her self,
and to heaven above

It was worth it!  All worth it!
For I know what is LOVE.

RL

________________

>
> ___Red Lion___
> In my opinion, during the compression of consciousness, one eventually
> learns discrimination and thus tends towards seeking quality over mere
> quantity, leading to a fewer number, but more intense experiences, including
> relationships.
> ----

>___JSW___
> Hmmm. Then maybe I should only have a single child, instead of my large
> family? Maybe my large family is somehow evidence of my lack of
> discrimination or "seeking mere quantity rather than quality"? Of course, I
> don't think so. ;^)
>

___Red Lion_2__
"Do what you want to do", is a driving principle in one's selections. When speaking of a process, however, one can observe general tendencies towards quality and their manifestations on various levels: mental, physical, social, economic, etc...

For example:
Do you need 4 cars or do you want 4 cars?

Do you need 6 wives, or do you want 6 wives?

Do you need to eat 12,000 calories a day to get your nutritional needs met, or do you want to?

Do you need a certain amount of quantity to get your qualitative needs met, or do you want it?

Is there any perceivable difference between one's needs and wants?

Basically, no one can accurately judge "need vs. want" except the person undergoing the compression.  Society, however, steps in when this balance has to potential to adversely affect others.

________________

> ___Red Lion___
> The process goes something like this:
>
> Seeking Union with quantity (K15)
> Learning the consequences (K16)
> Seeking Union with quality (K17)
> Incorporating quality (K18)
> Sharing & outpouring of one's (the ONE's) Quality (K19)
> Administrating with Quality upon quantity (K21)
> -----
>

___JSW___
So, it is "wrong" for the One to "seek union with quantity"?

___Red Lion_2__
NO.  In fact, it is unavoidable.

________________

___JSW___
And here I thought that this was part of the game!

___Red Lion_2__
YES

________________

___JSW___
If ONE had been sufficient, Red,  then YOU and ME wouldn't be having this discussion, and there wouldn't be over 5 billion OTHER human folks joining us in the adventure. Or maybe your comment on K21 answers this. Could you elaborate?

___Red Lion_2__

Yes.  Here is an elaboration:

Yes, K21 addresses this.

RL

Red Lion_2__
Do you need 6 wives, or do you want 6 wives? -----

I'll preface my remarks with another quote by Ann Davies:

"Whatever "I" experiences itself as being is the way creation and sustenance of the phenomenal universe takes place.... The Divine Will apparently creates and grows physical vehicles in order to experience Itself in and through these forms.... We are the Creative Spirit in Its aspect of both the One and the Many. Your flesh and my flesh are forms that the Self takes for self-experience."

Now, you tell me: how MANY of "us" does the ONE really need? Does it NEED 6 billion discrete humans and a great multitude of animal life, or does it just WANT these?

Each dyadic union in a poly relationship is unique, and uniquely fulfilling. And so the question moves away from what we "need" and "want" to that for which we have the CAPACITY, and for which we are CONSTITUTED. When we live according to THIS, then we fulfill the measure of our creation, Red. 

Not everyone is meant to be a monogamist, a polygamist, a celibate, a homosexual, a bisexual.... rather, it is INFINITE DIVERSITY IN INFINITE COMBINATIONS, and each of us have a measured part to play. We "do best" when we recognize and live true to our Self. 

JSW

______________________

Basically, no one can accurately judge "need vs. want" except the person undergoing the compression.  Society, however, steps in when this balance has to potential to adversely affect others.  RL

Red Lion - your comment about society stepping in.... is just another way of saying that the ONE steps in in many diverse forms....sometimes something as simple as an overheard comment can turn the light bulb on.  Paula C.