thinking about QM's illness has got me crying, praying, and pondering this terrific challenge
into the unknown that faces QM (and ultimately us all).
Here's the rub. I am experiencing two reactions:
1) Fight
2) Surrender
For QM's sake I will be there as a friend, however she responds to this trauma, and
whatever the outcome. I will do my best to be her friend, WHATEVER the outcome. If it
be God's Will to take her, then I will grieve for her.
But trying to imagine myself in her situation, I can see 3 ways to go. Fight - Flight - Surrender.
We are all going to face life altering experiences which are largely beyond our
immediate control (accident, illness, loss of loved ones, layoffs, etc..). In other words,
DEATH in some way being a form of CHANGE or TRANSFORMATION.
Here are some parallels:
Flight
Denial
Disbelief
Hope for a miracle cure (fantasy)
Fear
Fight
Fear
Anger
Optimism about "beating" it.
Faith in Action (God's on my side)
Surrender
Sadness
Depression
Acceptance (Thy Will be done)
Faith in the Process one is undergoing
Union with the Source of our illness and of our healing.
Transcendence
But in all this, we don't know what the outcome is going to be.
Illness is a type of spiritual crisis and a spiritual opportunity is it not? It may cost us
our body, but the growth potential for our soul is tremendous.
Illness is a "Crucifixion of the Flesh", accelerated and brought
out into high profile.
The Question is:
Can we do our best, but be DETACHED from the result, even if it means death (ours or of a loved one)?
What does it mean "do our best" ? Does it mean "my will be
done" or "Thy will be done"?
Perhaps this is the "meaning" of illness. God is giving us a
test/trial by allowing us to choose between our (false) separate will and the One
Will.
For the sick person it is the ultimate test of "attachment". For the caregiver and loved ones, it is also a stout test of
"attachment".
But what is "attachment" all about?
Isn't it about what are we (in reality) attached to?
Are we attached to our "things", are we attached to our
"bodies", our "environment" OR are we attached to the ONE WILL which is
the true
source of all security and freedom (as the Hanged Man K12 is).
Can we "let go" of our material/emotional attachments and depend
wholly upon God (let go and let God) and ACT or BE as God Wills ?
MK,
Thanks for the links! I've added them to my favorites. Most of my learning right now is
being done in the class called
"LIFE". My former girlfriend is dealing with a brain tumor, and is not doing very well
at the moment. This has brought up, for me some fundamental principles
concerning relationships that I have learned first hand.
Namely:
- When you love someone, you take on the burden of their karma, as well as your
own.
- The more evolved partner in a relationship bears the greater responsibility.
Thus in any relationship there comes a crucial crossroads, where the person must
decide whether they love the other person "enough" to where they are
willing to take on the sacrifice of sharing the burden of the other person's
Karma, or not. If not, then the relationship stops growing, and eventually
dissolves.
About 5 months after we broke up, QM was diagnosed with a brain tumor, but as far
back as a year ago, I knew that something was not right with her, and I tried to
get her to see a doctor, but she refused. QM eventually became dissatisfied with
the relationship because I was unwilling to make a greater commitment without
knowing what was wrong with her, and eventually she decided that we should be
just friends instead. Basically I was not willing to take on her karma,
especially if I could sense that something bad was in store, and wasn't able to
see if it was "manageable" or "catastrophic".
Yet, I feel doubly bad. Not only for her, but also because I realize my failure
to take responsibility for the love we shared. If I was ignorant I could be
excused, but my greater awareness causes me more suffering because I realize
what is going on at a deeper level and my Higher Self holds me to a higher
standard. Now that she is ill I am trying my best to be a friend to her and be
there for her to talk to, visit her, etc.. come what may. Come what may! This is
where courage comes in. Courage not to fear or run away from suffering and
death, but to be a friend to someone in need, and to engage with life, whether
it leads to her recovery and health or to her suffering and death. To be there
for her whatever the outcome. One must engage with life and treat Victory and
Defeat both equally as the impostors they are. To have the courage to do as God
Wills (or as Christ would do), without attachment to the result- that is the
goal.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because it illustrates that the most powerful spiritual lessons are learned in
and through our relationships with others, be they acquaintance, friend, lover,
spouse, parent, or child. If we can bring this heightened awareness to our
everyday life, then life will be the greatest teacher, for in fact the face of
the beloved does lie behind the mask of Every Thing, Every Form, Every
Situation, and Every Trial. Our greatest moments come when we are able to face
the adversary and strip off his mask to reveal the face of the beloved who was
there all along. To me, this is essence of Redemption.
Tare Care,
JC
