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Dealing with Difficult People
Jeff, Just wanted to continue some of my thoughts on the subject of how to deal with difficult people. The issue is not: "What does one DO?" The issue is: "What does one SEE! " If you can keep your poise and see clearly, then you'll KNOW what needs to be done at the time, whether it be to match his yelling with yelling of your own, or whether it be to tell him a joke and laugh along with him. If one can see clearly and remain poised then they can keep the flexibility to RESPOND appropriately while keeping emotionally detached from the results of their efforts, instead of reacting out of one's attachment to see a particular result manifest (such as them acknowledging their error). So how does one learn to see clearly and maintain their poise when facing a little devil? 1) We gotta keep our courage to squarely face our adversary and LOOK deeply. This must be motivated by a real desire to understand. It's amazing how much one can see inside a person if they are able to stop projecting and be quiet just for a moment to really look and listen. It is in discerning what is REALLY going on, that we get our intuitive knowledge of what needs to be done next. This is admittedly difficult if the outer appearance of the object of our attention is threatening, or ugly. Our only weapon in this endeavor is our "harmlessness". If we harbor fear or malice, then, in the face of our adversary, these things will be reflected back at us, and whoa what a fearful appearance it will be! Harmlessness, kindness, good cheer, and humor are most formidable weapons! (all of these being forms of "love in action" which is the ultimate weapon- capable of melting the heart of stone, and even of overcoming death itself - a subject for another discussion perhaps) 2) We have to maintain our poise and flexibility by releasing our attachment to see any particular result! Certainly we work towards a particular goal, but we must release our attachment to that result. This is admittedly very difficult - how to engage in life fully, putting all our effort and concentration towards achieving some goal, and yet at the same time release all attachment to the result. The attitude is something like" I do my part, but then let God take care of the rest." We must give the results up to God. You have already mastered this in the sport of C.A.S. itself. For how could one become a champion if they fretted miserably over each loss, or exulted over their comrades upon each victory? NO one likes poor losers, or poor winners. Win or lose, you have learned to face both outcomes with a certain degree of detachment. You could not of become a champion otherwise. The Challenge now, is to be able to apply this wisdom to other more important areas of life. If we have any physical or personality THING that we are "attached" to, then we have an Achilles heel. This is our weakness where we are vulnerable, and where we can get our chains jerked. Sure it is nice to have money, smarts, prestige, status, authority, etc...., but the minute we become "attached" to them, then we are messing up, by forgetting the ONE thing that we should be attached to - God. In the case of this cop, it is obvious that he was very much "attached", and thus was turned into a inflexible raging fool by his own affliction - his prideful false self-image. 3) How can we learn detachment? By recognizing that everything we have comes NOT from our own separate personality self, but from God. This is very hard when one is engaged in a competitive sport where Victory and Status (pecking order) are paramount. This is the SUPREME challenge of every champion. Be it Tiger Woods, Jack Nicholas, Michael Jordan, China Camp, or Pike Bishop, etc. The Ultimate Victory is "Mastery over one's self." (or perhaps more accurately, the ultimate victory is mastery of the One Self over it's vehicle, the personality) 4) Realize that you are being tested. Be able to say "I will look upon every circumstance of my life as a particular dealing of God with my soul." The only one you are competing against is yourself. The challenge is to live up to your TRUE Self (whatever that means to you at the time) 5) Realize that the most effective solvent for dissolving the mask of an "apparent" adversary is mirth. Be it friendly humor, tweaking barbs, stinging satire, or harsh ridicule. If you can see clearly and maintain your poise, you'll know which one (s) to use. And you'll be able to use your wit without the crippling emotional attachment which robs us of our ability to RESPOND with flexibility and good cheer. That's about it. The greatest thing to watch out for, is in becoming "attached" to having other people see us and treat us in a certain favorable/admiring/respectful way. This attachment to a false concept of self (pride), is the paralyzing poison that freezes us, blinds us, enrages us, and ultimately brings down upon us God's merciful lightning bolt, which shows us the folly of our prideful, egoic, separative thinking. So the bottom line goal is to achieve the discernment and poise which allows us to RESPOND to life as instruments for God's Will. The little devils that we encounter along the way are put there by God for our benefit as "exercises" designed to strengthen our insight, discernment, reason, intuition, poise, and humility, and to bring us to realization of the Unity behind it all. When we can see this we will also realize that we are NOT the doer. God is. And God works through us (each and every one of us) to accomplish what He desires to accomplish. Thus the results of our labors belong not to us, but to God, who works upon all our souls (even the little devil's). Just some thoughts.... pardon my foolishness. JC |